It's the way they talk, you did and you have and you will, like all of time is an infinite loop and somewhere along the way, she did something that fundamentally broke it. The earliest resets are still blurry, and Alex only knows those happened because they had to have happened. That she didn't remember that they put her there must have rankled, or that she didn't recognize them for what they were right from the beginning when she'd already lived this so many times. The ghosts don't seem to like that, though. It hangs over her head, every interaction tainted with it some days, Alex thinks that not knowing was so much better, because at least then she wasn't always flinching back from the press of Jonas' hand on her shoulder.ДЄt least when she didn't remember, it didn't hurt so much. The reset happens anywhere from six months to a year it just depends how good she's been about remembering. She really, really wasn't.Д«ecause whatever else Edwards Island is, it's consequences are long-reaching. But Michael is Michael and it's-it's not like she was so great at functioning without him, okay. There are days she wakes up and can't move for the sickness of it. She's not sure what kind of trade-off it is. She gets to have Michael, messy-haired and grinning in the kitchen sunlight and alive. She gets to have Jonas, his fingers curled around the xbox controller while he lounges on the couch. She gets Nona thumbing through prom dress catalogues, kind of grinning out of the corner of her mouth. She gets Ren with his arm around Nona's shoulders rattling off facts about roosters because he's been on an agriculture kick and Ren can't stop talking if his life depends on it.

She gets Clarissa waking her up at obscene hours when she crawls over her legs in through the window so that she doesn't trip the door alarms. When her brother died the first time, things broke. If Michael dies, well, Michael's dead, and that's not a state of the union that Alex is about to be okay with. If Michael lives, all Jonas is ever going to be is a friend. It must be one of the laws of the universe, or something.

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